Forever is composed of nows

I am a man that forgets things. I am a man that loses things… things like my car keys, my wallet, my eye glasses or my id-badge for work. I forget birthdays. I forget things that others have asked me to accomplish. I am in a constant state of confusion about where things are and what people have asked me to do or remember. I forget where I parked. I forgot what I was doing in that grocery store. What was I supposed to buy? I’ve forgotten to wear socks. I’ve forgotten the password to everything. Did I miss something extremely cute that my daughter said? Did I miss something extremely important in my life?

One day, I asked my two-year old daughter where my glasses were. She promptly found them on the coffee table. How was it my daughter was more aware of my belongings than me?

At dinner one night I realized the answer. My daughter is present. I realized that it’s not because I have a poor memory but rather I rarely live in the moment. I am rarely present. I tell my wife Chelsea this at dinner. I say to her, “You know I have a hard time being in this moment, my mind is wandering on what I need to do later. What website should I program? What idea for a company should I work on? What should I paint or draw? What I need to accomplish in my life. Wouldn’t it be cool if there were an iPhone app that allowed you to find your missing dog or cat using GPS? I could call it FidoFinder”. Sheesh, let my ignorance and lack of consideration be a lesson to all you men out there. You don’t tell your wife over a date-night dinner that you are not enjoying the moment with her but rather thinking about programming a website. I blew it and although I knew that I hurt her feelings, Chelsea is incredible and understanding so she promptly removed my foot from my mouth for me. Chelsea has grace and I apologized.

Emily Dickson wrote, “Forever is composed of nows”. I am missing all the “nows”. I walk into my house after work, throw my keys, wallet and whatever else down in hurried anticipation of some ridiculous thing I want to do later. I am a man that has started hundreds of failed projects and I believe I will fail thousands more. Doing this however isn’t a bad thing, but I needed to find a balance. I believe it’s this balance that allows people to enjoy life and in turn have the energy and creativity to be successful.

Now, I am a man that is a work-in-progress. Since I realized my fault, i’ve been living more in the now while balancing my future aspirations. Although my eye-glasses are missing, I’ve been able to take in more important moments. Last night I sat and watched Chelsea hold our two-week old son Bram and dance with our little girl Amelia. I’ve danced with them before but last night I just watched and breathed it all in. I remember everything about that moment, the music, the lighting, my daughter’s curly hair, my wife’s posture as she cradled and swayed our son. That moment is mine and ours. I will replay it over and over. It was slow motion and I was present. FidoFinder can wait.

 

 

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